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Who farted? (c) Nick Briggs

What series of Downton is this? Image (c) Nick Briggs

Stuff I noted down on my laptop at 6am this morning watching Downton on iPlayer because I missed it live last night #DEDICATION

Dowager registers horror
Chatting about Rose’s wedding and at the mere mention of a registry office, the moment is made by dear old Dowager’s disapproving smirk. Oh Maggie, how we shall miss you!

Lord G – the worst kind of children’s entertainer
‘I shall win this game of snakes and ladders. And you know what Cybie? If you have any sweets about you, I shall steal them from you too.’

Lord G says it straight
To Mary: ‘Don’t call me “Donc”. [It sounds like ‘bonk’ – and I never do that].’

All my day [dresse]s
Decker suggests the Dowager wear her lovely Lavender Day Dress for the meeting with Prince Kuragin and we are resolute in our conviction that there is definitely love in the lavend-air…

Willis, won’t he?
The boring Bates and their withering Willis saga continues. Bates is too tall to be the murderer apparently. The man has a stick for Christ’s sake – bent over it, he’d lose a few inches, surely?

Anna the Killer?
Anna: ‘Shall I just give it up and tell them everything [I mean effectively kill this stupid storyline]?’
Mr Bates: ‘No. [I’m the one that does the killing].’

Lord G thinks.
Lord G can’t quite put his finger on who Marigold reminds him of. Some rubber gloves perhaps? A type of flower? ‘Déjà vu’, he considers. It’s like we can almost see his little brain cells making connections. Come on Lord G – tick-tock.

Good Cop – Bad Cop Parents
So Atticus’s father is an A1 jerk as is Rose’s mother. Atticus’ mother is an A* trooper as is Rose’s father. Can’t they just swap spouses? And what’s the betting they do at Christmas?

Mary invents the Hag party
Lots of excitement about Atticus’ *SHOCK HORROR* stag party, but has anyone thought that, with her suggestion that she, Rose, Edith and Tom (a MAN) meet up prior to Rose’s wedding – ‘Why don’t we go to lunch on Wednesday; even you can come Edith!’ – Lady Mary not only invents the Hen party, but the Hag party too.

Anna Lines Up
Although yes, it’s all very worrying Anna is being ‘dun for murder’ in the line up, I find it rather amusing that the reason they confirmed it wasn’t her husband was because the murderer ‘was too short’. Not ‘the wrong age’ or ‘has the wrong hair colour’ or, I dunno, ‘is not a man’… Does it seriously appear to Scotland Yard that Mr and Mrs Bates are in all respects, bar their respective heights, identical…?
When ‘I AM LADY MARE-EH’ later calls up her lawyer, I do hope it’s Sherlock Homes she actually telephones – if only to sort this sh*t out once and for all.

Queen of Tarts
I find the ease with which Mrs Rose planned the Tart-Flashing affair totally ridiculous. As in, insanely ridiculous. I mean, think of the lengths she’d have to have gone to:
1. Find a tart
2. Find a photographer
3. Rent the next door room to Atticus’
4. Take pictures and get them developed in RECORD timing – where? 1920s SnappySnaps LIKE OBVIE.
5. Have them delivered to Rose by the next morning.
It would have made much more sense if it had been one of Atticus’ leery lads playing a practical joke. Made more sense and been actually practical. But then again, this show rarely is.

Decker Dangle Dankle
I love the idea of Decker leading the new butler astray to ‘show him something’. PLEASE can it be her ankle.

Shrimpy vs Mrs Rose
Shrimpy: ‘Get down you cat’.
No, he didn’t, he couldn’t, did he actually??? I’m just shocked Mrs Rose didn’t wail back: ‘You BASTARD. How could you say such a thing…’
Come on Fellowes, you can do better than that.

Tom to move on
Tom decides to leave but says, conveniently, he’ll stay for Christmas. Why? To decorate Christmas Downton in BUNTING most probably.

Mary’s Second Creation
Mary to Tony: ‘You were just what I needed when I needed it.’ And BOOM Mary invents the f*** buddy. I think she’s up for a Nobel prize this week, for all her inventions.

JUST WHO? I mean I am seriously baffled. Anna did it? Groan. What’s the betting once she’s cleared of murder, the tables will turn on everyone at Downton until Scotland Yard come to the irrevocable conclusion that the recently deceased Isis did it.*

Jerk off
* And on the note of Isis…Hugh Bonneville was quoted last week as saying that anyone who implied Isis was killed off in last week’s episode because of the dog’s rather unfortunate name is a ‘complete berk.’ Ladies and Gents, Hugh Bonneville thinks I’m a berk. A complete one.

We will remember them
Rather touching the unveiling of the war memorial happened on Remembrance Sunday. I wonder if this was planned? Nice touch!

Walking up to the house and we leave this season with…
Will Anna get off? Carson doesn’t seem too bothered by it and let’s be honest, neither are we.
Lord G finally guesses about Marigold. ‘There’s a secret in this house I’m actually privy to’ – how smug you must feel, Lord G.
Tom encourages Edith to go to London and carry on with her magazine – and it suddenly dawns on me, Tom is eager for everyone to leave Downton. And he openly encourages them to do so. This liberalist will rest at nothing – not till everyone at Downton has gone. This is his masterplan… maybe TOM is the murderer…?

A really good episode actually. Apt and appropriate therefore to award it my highest score of the season 9/10 (there’s always room for improvement).

So with that, we wait with Bates-ed breath for the Christmas special… Until then, Downton-lovers. THANK YOU for reading.

By Beenie Langley