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Analysis of Downton Abbey
Series Four, Episode One
In case you didn't gettit, Mary's in mourning. For one whole episode

In case you didn’t gettit, Mary’s in mourning. For one whole episode

Various things and thoughts I typed into my Blackberry during the show’s ten million hour long ad breaks:

Regardless of the tragedy, Lady Grantham manages to maintain a smug look of smuggy satisfaction. Why?

Lord and Lady G’s bed is unsexily small. Discuss.

O’Brien leaves at the very beginning. Lo. How convenient.

Wholly improbable that Richard Gregson would ask Lady Edith to move to Germany just four years after the war… on a station platform.

Prince George Cambridge. ‘Prince’ George Crawley – coincidence? I think not.

Mr Bates giving Anna a Valentine’s Card, smirking. Anna giving Mr Bates a Valentine’s Card, smirking. Just stoppit. Stoppit right now.

Brandon to Mary – ‘Its time for you to come back to us.’ YAWN.

Mrs Hughes telling Mrs Crawley to ‘Set aside your grief and use it for another’s good.’ Socially inappropriate. Old Ma Crawley would have told Mrs Hughes to remember her place and stuff it.

Mary’s accent – too much. Michelle’s Essex vernacular has evidently planted deeper roots this past year and needed to be stamped out with maximum ENUNCIATION.

Mary’s ‘episode’ at dinner – the sole purpose of which was to retell the story of Matthew’s death for the benefit of viewers who didn’t watch it first time round. ‘Is it not bad enough my husband fought in the war then died in a car accident 50 years before his time…?’
Just be REALISTIC Mez: ‘Matthew’s dead. Fuck the lot of you.’

Isis makes at least 2 appearances. Woof.

Mary comes ‘back to the land of the living’ and…we-hay: there is sunrise, snowdrops, flowers in buckets. The Downton theme tune rings out for all to hear and will someone PLEASE insert some symbolism into the show?

Characters of the episode:
Runner up: Thomas. Reliably evil.
Winner: Dowager Countess. ‘I love you Mary’ – well done Mags. Stellar delivery.
Special Mention: Carson – Eyebrows.

Total score: 4/10

By Beenie Langley