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By Em Bell

Words cannot explain what happened to our family last Wednesday night. After the Brooklyn Bite disaster, this was our family Christmas outing take two. And we had booked tickets to the Royal Court. Who we love. Who we trust. We don’t even have to look up what the play is, because we know it will be good.Or so we thought.

I will tell you what happened in summary. Purely to save you from having to go see this monstrosity for yourself.

* A positive start with a family Christmas scene. Usual family tensions. Awkward silences. Arguments. Just a normal Christmas for most people. With some added tension, disturbing back story and so on.


* Scene change. A futuristic room. The entire cast lined up and listed modern day obsessions. With no story line. No drama. They just said the words. Oh and ‘cunt’ was said over and over again by the cast, including the grandmother. There was some dumbass who actually fell for this and found it funny. Isn’t using swear words to shock something that 14 years old do?


Rows of people were walking out. One guy slammed the door.

It ended with the most pointless scene.

I have no idea what happened. And basically nothing had happened.

My mum who had bought ten tickets for the show went to talk to the dude at reception. He put his hands and said ‘I know. Do you want to speak to the manager’. Maybe they shouldn’t put on a show they know is such a pile of codswollop?

The Royal Court have really messed up here. I would book and go to the Royal Court without reading anything. They were my go-to theatre for guaranteed enjoyment. But now… You will have to really look into what you are taking a group of ten people too (including my uncle who takes a year to persuade back into the theatre – I think it might take about five to see him again in a theatre seat).

But isn’t it better to have hated something so much you will remember it forever? If it had been moderately bad, everyone would have been embarrassed to say anything, we would have sat at supper without really mentioning it and would have forgotten it completely by Christmas. You would have said ‘What was the name of the play we saw three days ago?” “Oh, I have no idea”. Instead we will remember this play forever. It was that bad. It could even be seen as a moment in history. And I have to give it to them, the acting was incredible. They were completely immersed in it. So I guess you could go for the acting. It’s impressive that they were still there to be honest.


Critics have said that if this play had been written by an unknown, there is no way it would have been produced. But it was, with its ridiculous jangles and soiree of swear words and I almost found it fascinating that something so bad could be created and shown. I think this is a mark in history. The most horrendous play the world has ever seen. And we saw it.