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‘Whistle for demotion’

Name: Lovely Lucinda* (with additions by Bar Man)
Job: Barmaid
Years on the job:  4

* Not real name

What is YOUR favourite drink?

What’s the worst drink to make?
Liqueur coffees.  You’ve got to get the cream to float on top, then if it sinks you’ve got to make another *urg*

What is the best thing about your job?
I quite enjoy sorting out the cellar, tapping barrels and such.  You’ve got to stand back so you don’t get a beer shower.  I like talking to customers too

And the worst?
Now.  When there’s no one to talk to

Thanks. Pulling pints looks fun.  Is it?
Yes.  Especially if you’re angry

Worst customers – who are they?
The picky ones

Do you ignore people who are rude at the bar?
No, you can’t ignore people, but you can be short with them.

What is your favourite bar snack?
Cheese & Onion Crisps

Don’t be smart

Has a townie ever asked you to make a Cosmopolitan?

When someone tries to flirt with you, what do you say?
[Looks awkward] I just say…’thanks…’

Any strange stories…
The pub is haunted.  The proprietor claims it is.  Bar stools move on their own.

Are you sure that’s not just the proprietor’s bar eyes moving on their own after a pint or two?
No, Bar Maid #2 is convinced.  They were taking photos for our Facebook page and there was this odd eerie white light above all the pictures.

Might that have been the flash?!
Ha!  No, it was only above the faces of people.

Someone says ‘Oi Barmaid.’  You say…?
‘I’m busy’ – though no one has ever said that

Have you ever ID’d anyone?
Yes, all the time in the summer.  Teenage guys think I’ll buy the excuse ‘I left my passport in the car.’  Go get it then.

‘I dyed my hair’

Can you tell what someone will order before they order it?
There are a lot of regulars who I think ‘yeah they’ll go for the steak & ale pie’.  If they come off a boat, they’ll eat fish.  It’s quite stereotypical – depending on their age, you can tell if they’ll order an ale or real lager.  It’s not like they’ll ask for a martini.

If customers complain, what do you do?
Tell the boss.  Though the usual trick they play, is to finish everything on their plate and then say ‘It weren’t very nice’.  Human error can happen, just say so.  Don’t eat it all, then say it were horrible.  Beer is contentious cos you’ll have a guest ale which people will drink and then say is off.

It’s crowded, my mouth is like a desert and I’m impatient.  How best to attract your attention?
Don’t click or whistle.  Don’t ring the bell, even though it’s there.  Do and I’ll automatically demote you behind someone else.  I clock people and try to serve them in the order they arrived.

Do you go to other pubs and take notes?
No.  But I always clear the table.  I always check out drinks prices too.

When one of your mates suggests going to the pub, have you ever said ‘Nah, let’s hang out in your office instead’?
No, but I might now!

Red or white?

Anything else to add?
I sometimes enjoy a complaint.  Some of them are borderline pedantic it gets quite funny.  One once left a napkin on their plate with the words ‘your food was sh*t’ on it.  But they’d eaten everything – obviously!

Another time someone ordered whitebait – whitebait – and then said ‘it’s got the heads and tails still stuck on.’

One person also complained there was too much fish in the fishpie.  Order a potato one then.

Trivial Pursuits would like to say this to The Lovely Lucinda* (plus additions by Bar Man) for so kindly chatting to us: Cheers.

* Not real name