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The second instalment in the new Traffic Lights feature stars a Tesco’s worker who we shall call Mr Market. Real people, real answers, silly questions

Occupation: Customer Assistant

Name: Mr Market

Age: 20

Number of years working for Tesco’s: 3 years

How much do you get paid per hour: £7.00

 

What is your main job?

Look after the warehouse, accept deliveries

Have you ever made a pyramid of cans in the middle of an aisle and said to passing customers ‘Welcome to the Sphinx’?

No… not yet

Has anyone ever bought salmon paste?

Not that I know of 

If someone asks you where something is and you can’t be bothered to tell them, have you ever said ‘I dunno, try Sainsburys’?

No, but usually when someone asks me if I could go out the back and look for something out of stock, I just go out the back, play on my phone for a bit, then come back and say in a sincere voice ‘I’m so sorry I searched everywhere but I just couldn’t find it.’

Have you ever swapped nametags with colleagues for the day?

I very rarely wear my own to be honest

What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen in Lost Property?

Don’t really look in lost property

Have you ever caught anyone stealing?

No, I’ve seen a security guard take someone out once though

Are people actually allowed to eat food from the supermarket before they’ve paid for it?

Yeah I think so, well I do it anyway – not when I’m working though

Do you get a discount if you use Tesco’s – if so, how much?

Yes, 10%

What are your views on the uniform?

Its slightly improved compared to what it used to be, only slightly though

When you hand back change to customers, how many people have winked at you and said: ‘Every little helps!’

Nobody has done that to me although I do shamefully say that line when people are unhappy with the amount of savings they get because they are expecting more.

What happens to all the bread when the shop closes?

They all come to life and start break dancing.

Do you have food fights after hours?

One of the people I work with is lactose intolerant…so yeah

What’s the best thing about working at Tesco’s?

Nothing

What’s the worst thing about working at Tesco’s?

Everything

Do you ever scurry round the shop floor on your hands and knees looking for lost change?

No can’t say I have

Do customers huff and puff if they ask you where something really obscure is – “Dairy free, organic SPAM yoghurt, for example” – and you say you’ve never heard of it?

I don’t even know where some of our basic items are, apart from fruit and vegetables. That’s down the fruit and vegetable aisle

Are the shops laid out in a certain way to attract customers?  If so, how?

I’m going to say no

Who decides to discount the wine and when?

My boss

What do you do on your breaks?

Go home for some decent and edible food unlike the crap in the canteen

Behind the double doors marked ‘Staff’, is it Narnia?

The only similarities between Narnia and what’s behind them doors is that there actually is a half man-goat. He is my boss.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Nope

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