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As a new feature, Trivial Pursuits will be bringing you a series of exclusive interviews with some of Britain’s hardest workers. Real people, real answers, silly questions.

In the first instalment, we interview anonymous McDonald’s worker, Flurry McMuffin

Occupation: McDonald’s Crew Member

Name: Flurry McMuffin
Age: 20
No of years working for McDonalds: Two and a half

How much do you get paid an hour?

£6.09 – so much better than the £4.78 when I first started…

Have you ever seen a rat on the restaurant floor and thought ‘how did that burger get there?’

Hahaha! No, actually it is SO clean no rat would be seen there. I should know – we spend an inordinate amount of time washing the floors.

Have you ever said to a fat person ‘I can’t serve you that, it’s for your own good’?

Not directly.  However if a really fat person comes in to order loads of food and then asks for a ‘diet’ coke (obviously a token attempt to be healthy) then I’ll just give them a full fat one on the basis that one drink isn’t going to make a difference. I’ve also told lots of people ‘I don’t judge’ when they place massive orders and look guilty about it.

Do you have lock-ins at night where you down shots of Fanta?

No we don’t.  You’re allowed to drink as much as you like from the drinks taps during work, as long as you’re out of sight of the customers. I do eat the occasional chicken nugget too and definitely steal chips…

Knowing what goes into them, would you now eat a McDonald’s? 

Surprisingly yes, the food quality isn’t at all bad.

What would you order?

I’d order a sweet chilli chicken wrap, for the sweet chilli sauce. I’d also get potato wedges, I much prefer them to chips.

Do you feel stupid saying to people ‘enjoy your Big Tasty’?

Yes.  But it doesn’t sound nearly half as stupid as when customers are trying to order them.

Have you ever spat in someone’s milkshake?

Nope, no one’s ever annoyed me enough!  If people are annoying, I just make them wait AGES.

What’s the meanest thing a customer has said to you? 

Customers are just rude in general. Some speak incredibly slowly – as if I am stupid.  Others assume none of us have got any education at all and therefore think they can be as rude and obnoxious as they like and we won’t understand.

Would you wear your cap on a night out?

NO!  I don’t even wear my cap on my break. Of my entire (ugly) uniform, that is the part I hate the most. It’s hideous.
Are there any stock McDonald’s sentences you are required to use – for example ‘Where’s your Happy Face to accompany that Happy Meal?’

Yes there are. Every customer is supposed to be welcomed by a two part greeting of ‘Hi, how can I help?’ There are so many stock phrases, but nothing sounds quite as ridiculous as that – it’s pretty obvious how I can help.

Have you ever defaced the property of Burger King?

No. I don’t actually hold a grudge against the other fast food restaurants. Customers think we do though, which is hilarious.  If we don’t have the food that they want, or they are not satisfied, then they often say: ‘Next time, I’m going to Burger King!’ Fine, I don’t actually care!  Customers also get mixed up with the names of food and quite often try to order stuff that only other chains make.

Who actually eats an Egg McMuffin?

People who come in at stupid times of the morning like 6.30 or something. I’ve never eaten one; I don’t like the McDonald’s breakfasts.

What are your daily chores?

Generally stocking everything, especially cups and Happy Meal boxes – we get through those seriously quickly, especially at lunch time. Sweep and mop the floor, clean the surfaces. There is a lot of cleaning that goes on all the time.  On particularly quiet days, my manager makes me dust the lights…which is fun.

Is there anything you’d advise us not to eat? 

No. Generally the Big Tasty or the promotion burgers are absolutely massive, so they’re very difficult to get through.

Anything else to add…
1.) If you don’t want to wait for an order, then don’t order things like a ‘filet-o-fish’ – they take about 4 minutes and I can’t be bothered to deal with your frustration while you wait.
2.) If you’re going to bring something back and want to be taken seriously, don’t eat three quarters of it and then complain that ‘it’s cold’.

3.) Don’t tell me your food doesn’t ‘look like the picture’. Of course it doesn’t, it’s not plastic.
4.) Manage to unclench yourself from your partner before you start ordering.  Serving couples slobbering all over each other is disgusting.
5.) We do very nice salads.
6.) Lots of our food have fewer calories than sandwiches in places like Pret or Eat.  So stop going on about how unhealthy we are.

7.) Lots of us employees are actually very well educated.  Please don’t assume we’re stupid just because we’re doing a job you might feel is beneath you.

Trivial Pursuits would like to thank Flurry McMuffin for their time and honesty – We’re lovin’ it.